Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Praying for Their Social Relationships

Proverbs 4:4-5

"Lay hold of my Words with all your heart; keep My commands and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding."

Another area for us to pray the heart of God for our children is for their social relationships.

There is so much to say in this area, especially as it relates to their future spouses. But I'll hold off until next week before I dive further into this. Next week is 4th of July week. Even though you may be on vacation, you'll want to hang with me. The posts next week will be dealing with their possible future spouses. They're really important. NOW is the time to be laying the ground work. You will not want to miss the coming posts. In fact, you'll want to share them with others.


In the mean time, take time to pray:
  • That God will protect your children from the evil one in every area of their lives - spiritually, emotionally and physically (John 17:15)

  • That they will have respect for authority (Romans 13:1)

  • Pray that they would obey their parents (Proverbs 1:8; Col. 3:20)

Children will learn obedience to God when they are first learning obedience to their parents. If your children do not obey you, chances are, they will not have a heart of obedience for God in the future.

  • Pray that they would love their siblings (Matthew 5:22)
A girlfriend of mine taught me to pray that they would become best friends. Right now @ 9 and 10, that seems like an impossibility. But all things are possible with God! Why would we not pray this? Let's ask our big God for big things!
  • Pray that they will desire the right kind of friend and be protected from the wrong ones (Prov. 1:10-11)

I've even begun to pray for the pruning of friendships that I'm sensing are not good. (John 15) Equally important is that we know their friends and their parents.

  • That they would have an equally yoked spouse. (2 Cor. 6:14 - more on this next week)

  • That they will be hedged in so they cannot find their way to wrong people (Job 1:10)
Sexual abuse and molestation is rampant. It makes me cringe and, honestly, it makes me wish we lived in a castration society.

I used to think that molestation happened far away, to other people, certainly not here. But I continue to meet more and more woman who have become victims at the hands of a so called
''loved one," or a neighbor, or a friend. It breaks my heart to think that one of you reading this today could identify. Oh, precious sister. I am so sorry.

I even have a friend, whose 6 year old son was sexually molested by a 15 year old boy. We cannot live in denial. Watch your children. Know who they are with at all times. My husband and I have a rule that Caroline cannot spend the night - even at her cousin's house - when her male cousins are having friends over to spend the night. We may be too guarded, but we're talking about our baby. We're not taking any chances.

We are going on a cruise for Thanksgiving this year with our extended family. One family member mentioned that the great thing about a cruise is that your kids can't get lost, that they are on the boat somewhere - that you won't have to be as diligent in keeping your eye on them.

My response? "Oh no. Have you ever heard of a pedophile?" They looked at me like I had 3 heads. But, I don't care. We have to be wise. Know where your children are and who they are around.

We'll finish up our practical prayer prompts tomorrow-

Have a great day:)

More Powerful Prayer Prompts

Luke 2:52

"And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."


Don't you just love that verse? Oh, for our children to grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man!

I am convinced that Biblical prayer is the vehicle for our children to grow in wisdom and in stature. So for the next 3 posts, I'll share general areas in which we can target our prayers.

Today, I'll share ways to pray spiritually.
Tomorrow, for their social relationships
The next day, academically and physically.

What are some of the things that you pray for your children? Do you want them to be healthy, wealthy, happy, and problem free only? Or do you even pray for them? A wise friend once told me, if you are not praying for your children, who is? (Scary thought isn't it?)

Listed below are a few ways to pray the heart of God for our children. God is far more interested in our holiness than He is our happiness. (By the way, holiness produces joy, not temporary, circumstantial happiness. I'll stop here - this is the subject of a whole other post!) Pray:
  • That they will come to know Christ as Savior early in life (John 17:3)

  • That they would know their purpose for living early on in life (Psalm 25:12-14; Romans 12:1-2)

  • That they would love Jesus with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength (Deut. 30:6)

  • That they would have a hatred for sin (Psalm 97:10)

  • That they would be caught when guilty (Psalm 119:71)

Notice, I've attached a Scripture to each prayer prompt. I did not go the extra mile of doing this just to make this look like a book report or impress you with my limited Bible knowledge. I did this for a reason.

Praying Scripture is powerful. The Bible is God's Word. God's words are so powerful. Often, I believe we underestimate how powerful they really are. "By the Word of the Lord were the heavens made... For He spoke, and it came to be..." Psalm 33:7,9

Do you see how powerful His Word is? "HE SPOKE and it came to be." When we speak God's Word, we are loosing the thing we are praying for in the spiritual realm to become a reality in the physical realm. (This goes for every area of our lives, not just our children.)

Pray God's Word for your children. It produces wisdom and stature and yields great power!

Powerful Prayer for Our Children

Deuteronomy 30:6

The Lord your God will circumcises your hearts and the hearts of your descendants so that you may love Him with all your heart and with all your soul and live.

Heart circumcision? What in the world is that? Surely, it's addressing the wrong part of human anatomy.

Nope, you didn't read it wrong. God's totally into heart circumcision. And God has shown me that this is one of the most powerful ways I can pray for my husband, my children, and myself. But what is heart circumcision?

To keep it simple, God instituted circumcision with Abraham in Genesis 17. It symbolized the Jews' separation from the Gentiles (or unbelievers) and their unique relationship with God. No other people on the planet were circumcising themselves. Can you blame them? What a painful procedure - and to have done it without the use of narcotics?! Mercy!

Yet, to me, the cool thing about circumcision prior to Christ, is that it would have been a physical reminder. Every time a Jewish man or boy would have gone to the restroom, changed clothes, bathed, or got naked, there would have been a tangible reminder of to Whom they belonged! They were NOT to behave, or to act, or to speak, or to worship like the unbelieving people around them. They were God's people. And they were to be set apart from the people around them. They were to behave differently, speak differently, worship differently, respond differently, and live differently than the people around them.

Almost daily the Lord has taught me to pray,

"Circumcise my heart, Tim's heart, Will's heart and Caroline's heart to love you with all of our heart and soul and live the abundant life You have chosen for us."

Notice that this passage indicates that our hearts must be circumcised before our descendants' hearts can become circumcised.

Do you have a circumcised heart? If not, ask the Lord to give you one. Ask Him to give you a love for Himself and to circumcise your heart, to be set apart from what we see in the world. To speak differently, to behave differently, to dress differently, to think differently, to be willing to say "NO" to TV shows, movies, and books that draw you away from Him. (And frankly, make us spiritually dumber.)

Then begin praying it for your children. I'm convinced it's one of the most powerful ways to pray.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sharpening Our Children - Part 2

Proverbs 22:6

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Let's continue with practical suggestions for laying the spiritual foundation for your children.

Patti said:
  • Teach them by example that God is a priority in everyday life

  • Encourage, encourage, encourage

  • That it's okay not to follow after others because those other kids may not be following after God

  • To be lovingly expressive towards their father, so our sons and daughters can learn what healthy expression of love and affection is towards one another

Fayeson said:
  • Have Bible studies with your children's friends. In middle school - we called it Terrific Tuesdays. We would gather close friends for fun, food, and Bible study after school.

  • In the summer, we would do backyard Bible school for friends and neighbors. Most moms wanted a break for themselves and were willing to allow their children to come.

  • At Easter and Christmas, we would have neighborhood parties. On these occasions, we would give the Truth of the holiday. I know that some young children were saved during that time!


My friend Laura advised me to do this, so I've put it into practice:

Recently, I've been dealing with unkind things coming out of Will's mouth. So we went to the Word and memorized Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up..." Before certain events, we'll say this verse together. I've had him write it down in his prayer journal, memorize it, and put it into practice.


What issue are you facing with your child? Take them to the Word to a passage that addresses that behavior. Have them write it, memorize it, and apply it.

I try to never take them to the Word when I'm angry or in the heat of the moment. God has pricked my heart on this. I think they will associate my anger with God and begin thinking that He is an angry God. (Remember, we represent God to our kids - good or bad.)

On the flip side, when your children do something really good, take them to the Word and commend them. (I should be doing more of this!) This is the Word coming alive in their everyday lives!


What about outside, negative influences? You know, other kids teaching your kids things you'd rather them not learn. I asked my sister about this the other day. She told me that a child at VBS last week had informed her 10 year old daughter that Demi Lavato was in rehab. Her daughter asked, "what's rehab?" Oh, not a subject Heather was ready to educate Ashton on, but had to.

"Our children are going to be influenced by others. We need to keep the lines of communication open so that they will talk to us. And when they do, we need to arrow pray, educate, and take them to the Word with the issue if we can.

Last thought:

I'm trying to teach my children to take everything to the Lord in prayer - even baseball! Before Will's baseball game a few weeks ago, he was nervous. I pulled him aside and said, "you have the Power of the Universe at your disposal. He lives inside of you. Ask Him for help. When you step up to the plate, say, 'help me Lord.' Watch and see what He will do!"

That particular game, he got on base every time. At the end of the game, he said, "Mom, I prayed."

What a sweet life lesson. I'm still reminding him to pray. The games I don't remind him, because I've forgotten, he doesn't play as well. Prayer makes a difference!


I hope and pray these practical parenting tips over the last few days have been helpful. Girls, we don't want our children's faith to be an add-on to their life. I want my children's faith to be their life.



So with that said, next post:


"Powerful prayer for your children"

Sharpening Our Children - Practical Suggestions

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons [children] born in one's youth."


Today's and tomorrow's post are full of suggestions for building the spiritual foundation of our children. This is far more important than ANYTHING we will ever do for them. When we build their spiritual foundation, most likely it's what's going to keep their pants zipped when push comes to shove. It's going to determine how they respond to peer pressure, even to what kind of mate that they choose. We only have a very short time to impact their lives. I personally intend to make the most of it.


This came from Cathy, a mother of 4 young children. One of whom has had a brain tumor for the last few years.

We use everyday experiences to explain the truths of God. For example, when we are feeding the ducks, we'll talk about how God provides for us just like we are providing for the ducks.

Or in every challenge or triumph, we try to point to God and how He uses things for our good. Kids need to see examples of God in their little worlds. It makes those Bible stories and truths real to them.

This came from Dina, mother of 4 and a home school mom.

We have family devotions every morning and then we pray ACTS (Adoration, Confession, and Thanksgiving). We all take turns. It is very, very humbling to confess my sins before them.

Worship, worship, and worship some more. Turn on the music in your home.

Many days I call out to Him, in their presence, "Jesus, I NEED YOU. My flesh wants to sin against my child and be harsh and angry. Give me YOUR eyes and YOUR agape love for them." Never once have I have left that place without peace, a new set of eyes, and fresh love for them.

Tricia, mother of 6 says:

I've started to be intentional about gathering my children around the breakfast table before we start our day. Over the cereal and the fruit, we pray for our day and enjoy sweet fellowship. If I've had my quiet time, I'll share something that I learned. We are not legalistic about it, but try to do it most everyday.

Also, our goal is to start and end the day well. It makes an overall impression of the day.

My husband loves to read Proverbs around the table after dinner.


Nancy, a mother of 4 grown children and a published author, says:

I was 43 when God the Father came into my life. So I met with each of my children privately and apologized for anything I didn't do in a Christlike manner before I came to Christ. Would you believe that the Lord gave them spiritual amnesia?

They saw me praying. I prayed with them and still do by phone.

They witnessed the change in the way I respected their Daddy. Our sons and daughters really began to respect him so much more after that.

When they were teens, I began saying, "Yes...because you are so special." I said this anytime they asked me to pick them up from school or help them in some way. Then when they were older teens, my NO meant NO! Why? "Because you are so special."

I can remember telling my girls that they could go to a neighborhood party, but had to be home by 11:00pm. When it was 11:02pm, I went after them. I drove to the party and sent someone in to get them. They came out and were very upset, saying, "Why would you embarrass us like that?" I said, "The deadline was 11:00, and it's now 11:20. I came for you because you are so special."

I also intervened if they were not dressed modestly.

Just about every mother who wrote in mentioned modesty and dress. We'll be talking more about this in future posts!

Hope this helps! More tomorrow :)

Monday, June 20, 2011

Sharpening Our Arrows with Quiet Time

Psalm 127:3-4

"Children are a reward from the Lord. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons [children] born in one's youth."

The Bible describes children as "arrows."

The most important thing we can do to the "arrows" the Lord gives us (be it physical or spiritual offspring), is to sharpen them by laying a solid spiritual foundation. As we learned last week, a solid spiritual foundation is more important than how well they are dressed. It's more important than academics, or their possible athletic ability, or even what college they may eventually attend.

Yet, to me, my children's quiet times are one of the biggest battles I fight. I realize there is more to sharpening arrows than just a quiet time and we'll talk about that over the next few posts. But a quiet time is foundational. As of today, my personal quiet time is solidly nailed down. Yet, why do I struggle so with theirs?

So I went to the expert - my sister, Heather. She is the Director of Children's ministry at her church. But far more than the title she holds, she has fruit to back up her expertise. Not only do I see fruit in her own 3 children, but in the MANY children she shepherds on Wednesday and Sunday morning. Their church is busting at the seams especially in one age group: preschool through fifth grade. I'm convinced it's because she makes church fun! She makes Jesus fun! Parents typically are drawn to where their children are happy.

So today at the pool, I interviewed her and took notes on my iphone. I've been begging her to send her thoughts to me - but she has not made the time - so I cornered her! (Sorry, had to work in that dig! She's rolling her eyes as she reads this!) But here are a few of her thoughts...

Tara: What are your thoughts on establishing a quiet time for your children?

Heather: It is just as important for them to have their quiet time as it is for you to have your quiet time. It's teaching them a life habit of seeking Jesus for everything. You just have to teach them how to do it.

Tara: So what do you do?

Heather: I've given my own children and the children I teach a devotional and a notebook. (They already have Bibles.)

Tara: Then what do you do?

Heather: In the notebook or journal, I have them write the date, the Bible verse, and the title on the top page. Then I have them write at least one thing they learned. And then I have them write a way we can put that into action. In other words, how do we apply this in our everyday lives?

Tara: Do they do this on their own or do you do this with them?

Heather: If they are older and trained, then they can do it on their own. My younger ones still need my help.

But even with the older ones, you still need to follow up and ask questions. Otherwise, you are just forming a habit and it's something they are merely checking off their list of things to do. So you need to follow up and ask questions. Personally, I like knowing what they are reading.

Tara: What time of day do you do this?

Heather: I encourage them to do it at the beginning of the day, before the day starts. Do you remember what Fayeson (a former Bible mentor of Heather's and mine) used to say? "Get with Jesus before the band starts to play." (In other words, before the noise of the day begins.) The same is true for our children."

But anytime is good as long as they are doing it.

Tara: How long does it take?

Heather: Usually 20-30 minutes. Writing it out takes longer with younger children. They can go as quick as they want, but I want them to retain what they are reading and learn how to apply it to everyday life.

Tara: Any other thoughts?

Heather: Yes. Pray. Pray for that time. Pray that they would have a desire to spend time reading their Bibles and that they would meet Him during that time.

I hope this helps you. I know it's helped me. Today, my children got into big trouble. We will be studying verses on kindness this evening!


Next Post: Sharpening our Arrows - Practical suggestions

(Thank you to all who responded. I've learned so much from your responses. I'll be sharing them over the next few posts.)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Bald Head Island

Sorry, no makeup or cute hairdos this trip!


I have to be honest. I pre-wrote blog posts for this week for our parenting series because I really didn't want to share that I was at the beach again! I guess I was afraid that you'd think that I'm a spoiled brat going to the beach two weeks in a row! I never get to vacation this much. Truly, it's been a blessing.

This week, my kids and I were invited to Bald Head Island with a friend of mine who has a house here. Amy and I, aka the Cruise Directors, have been herding and feeding a flock of 6 kids since Monday, two of whom are teenagers. What spice this has added to our trip!




This is our motley crue! You have to get to Bald Head Island on a ferry. This was the ferry ride over on Monday. We had so much fun eating lunch in Southport that we almost missed the ferry. Amy and I forgot that after we unload, we have to park the car almost a mile away!




This was on the ferry after running a mile! We had new appreciation for our husbands after doing this. They normally do all the grunt work when we come to Bald Head!




On Bald Head Island, there are no cars. Everyone travels by golf cart or bike. This was at the hardware store on the way to the beach. We bought nets for fishing.

Tuesday, we caught a big blue crab! Then when we tried to set it free - it was stuck in our net. I began praying for the crab! Finally it was set free!



Today at East Beach.


All this to say, I can't focus! The blogs I pre-wrote are complete, but they just need some editing - not prepared to release them until they are at 100%. I'm going home tomorrow after a trip to Old Baldy.


More Tomorrow!

Have a great Thursday:)










Monday, June 13, 2011

Leaving a Legacy

Psalm 145:4

"One generation will commend your works to another.
They will tell of your mighty acts."

The other night while we were watching our wedding video, my daughter asked my husband if he had Jesus living in his heart when we got married. (I'm beginning to see such a heart for evangelism in her!)

Oh, what a precious moment! In answer to her question, Tim shared the moment he made the deliberate decision to invite Jesus into his heart. This was a red-letter moment! My heart's prayer was, "Lord, don't let her ever forget this moment." Although Tim is willing to share this with her as many times as she wants to hear it, this was a first for her. She was hearing her father's testimony. It was her daddy commending God's works (the saving of his soul) to the next generation.

Have you shared when you made the decision to invite Jesus to live in your heart? Are you actively sharing with them the way to know God, that it is through Jesus and Jesus alone - not just going to church every Sunday, not going through denominational rituals, and not just attending a really fun VBS, but through a personal relationship with Christ?

Our testimony is one of the best legacies we can leave our children. Who cares about money, property, or possessions? In the end, money, property and possessions will rot, or be destroyed, or be spent. But the building of their faith is eternal; it is the only thing that will last.

One night, while over at my parents house for dinner, I asked my Dad to share when He asked Jesus into his heart. My Dad was cooking on the grill as he often does, and I was outside talking to him, trying to spend quality time with him. Much to my surprise, tears filled his eyes as he shared how at a revival meeting when he was a young boy, he walked down front to accept Christ. He recalled his heart beating out of his chest, that he knew that the Holy Spirit was drawing him. He knew that he was a sinner and needed Jesus.

Friend, I will never forget his story. It is a treasure to me. It is my assurance that we will be together in eternity.

If you have not shared your personal testimony with your children or grandchildren, do so today. It is a gift. They may not treasure it now, but eventually they will.

And if you do not know the testimony of your parents, call and ask them. If they do not have their own personal testimony, pray for an opportunity to share yours with them.


Be willing to share with the next generation God's work in your life.

Tomorrow: Practical suggestions for laying the spiritual foundation for your children.

The Most Important Thing we can do for our Children

Psalm 145:4-5

"One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts.

They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty...

They will tell of the power of your awesome works...

They will celebrate your abundant goodness..."

In this series that I began a few weeks ago, "Are we giving our children to the devil?" I've vowed to fight for the heart and soul of my children. I hope you have too. My friend, Tiffany, sent some thoughts that were too good not to share on today's post!

So with that in mind - in your opinion, what is the most important thing we can do for our children?

Don't answer quickly. And don't just rattle off a politically correct answer. Think about it. The Bible says that our behavior shows us where our hearts are. (I can't remember where that one is - will look for it. I think it's in John.) My friend Tiffany sent me a few examples that were too good not to share.

So in other words, what does your behavior reveal about your mindset in parenting as being of utmost importance? Are you more focused on:
  • Your child's nutrition - making sure they only eat organic: no nitrates, no hormone induced foods?

  • How your child dresses? Mom's with girls can be the worst. (Not trying to step on toes - I have a girl too!)

  • How smart they are? Are you consumed with their academic achievement?

  • Their athletic ability?

  • How they look physically?

  • What college they will attend?

  • How well-rounded they are socially?

  • Making sure they are in the right social group?

Seriously, where is your focus?

Mine, on any given day can be totally misdirected and misguided unless I am intentional. To be honest, there are some days where survival - making it through - is all I can manage.

Now please don't get me wrong. Most everything on the above list is a good thing, none of which in itself is bad. Yet we must - we must - we must (I am not stuttering, this is important!) We must be focused on being sure that our children have a solid spiritual foundation. It should mean more to us than how they are dressed, how well rounded they are, what things they have, how smart they are, what college they attend etc... It should be the most important thing we do for them.

Since I'm a "how-to" girl, meaning I learn best when someone tells me or shows me how to do something, that's where I'll focus next week. How do we make sure our children have a solid spiritual foundation? What practical things can we do?

I don't have all the answers, so I'd LOVE to hear from you. Either leave a comment, or CONTACT ME and share your thoughts. Remember, practical and simple are good. Don't think your idea isn't spiritual enough!


What are you doing that seems to be working? Contact me and let me know!



Have a great weekend!

Friday, June 10, 2011

My Anniversary

Sorry for how dark this picture is!


Today, June 10Th, is our anniversary! Sixteen years ago today, Tim and I got married in the church I grew up in.

I love sharing how we met. We met when I was in the 8th grade; he was in the 9Th. Back then, we only had 2 Junior Highs in town. He went to East Cary, and I, West Cary. I happened to be attending a Valentine's Dance with a friend at East Cary. While there, Tim approached and asked me to dance. I told him no. He then proceeded to ask me... "Don't you know who I am?" Looking back, it was hilarious! I was hooked immediately!

We have not been together since 8th grade, but off and on until after college - when he proposed. He proposed on January 24 and we were married June 10Th. I was ready to live with him, but my mother would not stand for it. (I'm so glad she held to her guns, but at the time, it annoyed me)

For 4 months, I was consumed with "wedding." Looking back, I should have been more consumed with learning how to have a healthy marriage than "the wedding!" I do not believe that healthy marriages are automatic. Any time you have 2 people with 2 agendas, there is bound to be eventual conflict. It takes work and effort by both parties. It takes sacrifice and a lot of love, even when you do not "feel" like loving.

One of the things I've learned over these 16 years is that love is not a noun, but a verb. I hope my husband feels this way too!

A few years ago, my friend Suzi advised me to include our children in our anniversary celebration. This helps them to value marriage and commitment. It also establishes a tradition that they hopefully will one day practice as well. So tonight, Tim will cook a great meal (he's a much better cook). We will eat on the china that I rarely use, we will look at our wedding pictures and watch our wedding video together, and then, we will eat dessert! (My kids' favorite:)) Tomorrow night will be date night! My mother-in-law offered to have the kids spend the night with them. Woohoo!

I hope you have not minded the personal blogs this week. Next week, we'll continue where we left off as we battle for the hearts and souls of our children.


Have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Family Vacation



We have been in Wrightsville Beach, NC this week enjoying some much needed family time! Thought I'd share some of our trip with you!

The above picture was sunset the first evening we were there - breath-takingly beautiful!



My children loved playing in the surf! Will likes to go further out now.

Mama's not liking that too much!




I got up each morning around 6:00am to enjoy the sunrise and spend time with Jesus. It is such a special time of day. Everything is still and silent. Listen to what the Bible says,
"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge."
Psalm 19:1-2


Each evening we enjoyed the sunset and a walk to the pier for ice cream!




Caroline just recently read, Soul Surfer, the Bethany Hamilton story.

She was pretending to be Bethany in this shot!




Most each day, we had a picnic lunch around the pool or on the beach. The last beach day, Will surprised us with our beach lunch. He had made everyone a peanut butter and jelly and packed a cooler with drinks, chips, fruit and, of course, dessert! He had even cleaned up after himself in the kitchen. I praised him for his servant heart! (This is often rare!)





My husband and I went to college at UNC Wilmington, so this makes Wrightsville Beach especially special to us. We made a point to visit all of our old stomping grounds for dinner. On this particular night, we ate at Elijah's. Tim worked there for much of his college career. Behind us is the Cape Fear River.

The only night we didn't eat out, we were guests of one my mother-in-laws friend's, Miss Nancy at Figure 8 Island. We floated on noodles in the canal behind her house. Tim cooked amazing cheeseburgers on the grill that night, and we listened to Scotty McCreery's "I Love You This Big," over and over and over again! Will and Caroline love Scotty. Later in the evening, I asked Miss Nancy to show us John Edward's home on Figure 8, which was very unassuming. I was surprised. It made me sad to think about all this family has gone through and continues to go through.




Tim was so great - always willing to swim in the cold water with the children while I sat on the beach reading!





And each day, our cabana boy, I mean, Tim, set up our camp on the beach - umbrellas and all. I'm only teasing! This was our ongoing joke all week that he was our cabana boy!

Thank you for allowing me to reminisce about our trip. It was so much fun. Many sweet memories were made!


Have a great day:)


























































































































































































Saturday, June 4, 2011

Discipline without Love...

Colossians 3:21

Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.



Not too long ago, I watched a single mom, whom I love and respect, with her teenage kids. They adore their mother. They always have. But when the subject of their father came up - it was a different story.


Now please don't get me wrong, this is not an exercise in criticism. If we learning from others, we can learn what to do and what not to do.



One of the things I observed was a lack of respect for their father. (Now this lesson could be for a mother as well.) Not in terms of talking back or disobedience. But in not valuing his opinion; emotionally detached; spending time with this Dad is a chore and a duty. Certainly not something they enjoy doing. They would much rather spend time with their mother. I even got the feeling that if they never visited their father - it would be okay. The whole situation was very sad to me.


Keep in mind, this Dad, is a great Dad. He's seems to enjoy being with his boys. He genuinely wants the best for them. He spends tons of money to keep them in private school. He's bought them cars so they get from place to place. He makes sure they are in church every Sunday morning when they are with him. He lives in a great house - in a great neighborhood. These boys are amply provided for. But something has gone amiss. Something vital is missing from this relationship.

So I asked the Lord, "what's happened here? What's happened in this relationship?"


And as He often does, over the next few days, His thoughts began to drop into my heart. I began to discern that this crumbling relationship is due to a lack of love. Discipline with little to no love causes exasperation; embitterment and discouragement.


I began to wonder when the last time these boys were hugged by their Dad? Told they were loved? Felt truly listened to by their Dad? Or if their dreams were accepted even though they differed from their Dad's dreams for them? Did they even feel they could share their dreams with their Dad?


On the flip side, their Mom has established a strong love relationship with these kids. They know they are loved and accepted by her - even when their dreams do not fit in the box of what she wants for them.

This was a hard-core lesson for me in discipline AND love. Discipline is a MUST. The Bible says, "God disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son." (Hebrews 12:6) "That when we are enduring hardship as discipline, that God is treating us as sons." (v7) Just as God disciplines us, so we must discipline our children as well.


Yet we must remember that we cannot remove the love. Our children must know - MUST KNOW, that even though we are their parents (not their friends), that discipline is a part of life. Discipline must be cloaked in love. If we fail to love, we'll lose their trust; their respect and eventually, their hearts.


What a lesson for Mom's as well as for Dad's. (By the way Mom's, DO NOT forward this to your husband if he fits in this category. You will probably not get the response you are looking for. Pray for him instead!)

Have a great day!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Do Our Children Know They are Loved?

1 John 4:19

"We love because He first loved us."

As you read the title, I'm sure your knee-jerk response is, "of course my children know they are loved." But let me ask you, what kind of atmosphere have you created in your home? One of love and acceptance? Or indirectly one of criticism; fear; or of keeping a list of wrongs?


Right now in this season of my life, God is asking me to believe Him for big things. Unbelief is ever crouching at my door. So in my quiet time, the Lord is having me "look back" over the course of my life - to see His Presence and faithfulness even when I didn't know He was there.


Now hang with me - I'm not veering from the parenting subject - I'm making a point.


One of the things I've learned is that I was 34 before I fully began to grasp how much God loves me. It was when I saw Isaiah 54:10 for the first time. "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.


In other words, no matter what you have done in your past Tara - though you have shaken the mountains and removed the hills with your sinful past, My love for you, will never be shaken or removed. I love you - I love you completely.


Now keep in mind, I've been in church all of my life; in Bible study for 10 years and a Bible study leader for 4 of those years. Yet it was at the age of 34, when I began to understand God's unmovable, unshakable love for me - despite my messes along the way. And trust me, there are messes. Prior to this, I believed God was keeping a list of my mistakes and ready to bonk me on the head for everything I did wrong. But this is not the God of the Bible!


God has revealed to me over the last week that the only example of unconditional love modeled in my childhood, was the love my Mom and Dad demonstrated and continue to demonstrate to me - even during turbulent years.

God desires for us to model His love to our children. I say this ever so respectfully and reverently, but we are to model God to our children. How will our children ever love God and revere His Word unless they know how loved they are? I can truly testify, the only reason I love God right now at the age of 40, is because He first loved me - and He demonstrated it through my parents until I could understand His love.


Do not assume that gift buying, elaborate vacations or the mere fact that you provide food, shelter and play dates, or that you pay the college tuition or private school tuition, that these things articulate the words, "I love you." Children need the tangible.


I just recently read George Bush's book, Decision Points. (By the way, a great read!) But one of the things that struck a cord with me, was the out spoken and demonstrative ways his father, George H. W. Bush loved him. During his childhood and college years, when he made many mistakes, he never doubted his father's unwaivering love. Even as President of the United States, Bush writes that receiving notes from his Dad during his presidency - encouraging him and telling him, "I love you," carried him through many storms. Bush writes that to this day, his father still hugs him and tells him, "I love you, son." (So precious!)


Do your children know they are loved? Loved unconditionally? Are you telling them? Do they know that they are accepted by you - despite the disappointments they may cause?


Even if it was not spoken to you as child, break the mold and tell your children on a regular basis that you love them. (No matter what their age.) Ask the Lord to show you ways to demonstrate His love to each of them personally.


It'll pay dividends - more on this next week!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Making the Most of the Time - Great Ideas!

Colossians 4:5

Make the most of every opportunity.

Suzi shares that statistics say, the average Mom spends 4 minutes a day in meaningful interaction with her children. The average Dad spends 2 and a half minutes. Yikes! As I read this am I the average Mom? Some days, I would have to say, "yes."

I'm not sure what age your children are, but one of the common denominators I'm getting from from these wise women are the same: Children grow up so fast and are gone before you know it! Make the most of your time with them.

I have 8 more years with my son under my roof - 10 more with my daughter. Have you ever looked at it from that perspective? When I do, it makes me want to parent with more intentionality.

With this in mind, yesterday was the first day of my children's summer break. So we sat down in the living room - white board in hand - and determined a daily schedule. I shared what I expected from them - that not everyday was going to be a party - that we would enjoy our summer break, but that they have responsibilities as well. I also outlined basic behavior guidelines that are expected from each child. (I firmly believe that children crave structure.)

I don't want to be "that Mom" that parents out of whatever is easiest - putting them in front of the TV or video games to pass the time. I also don't want to be "that Mom" who has her nose in the IPhone all day either. I truly want to engage my kids with meaningful interaction -making the most of every opportunity.

Let me give you some examples the Lord has shared with me:


Spiritually:


  • Rewarding my children for establishing their own quiet time. (God gave me a great idea with the use of marbles. I have 2 different colored marbles for each child. Once the child has 5 marbles in the jar - I'll take them out for a special treat.

  • Prayer Journal - Both children have the prayer journal I designed and published. We are going to be diligent to particularly use the thanksgiving section each day. I want them to record God's blessings. Then we can go back at the end of the summer and remember our blessings and our days together.

  • Begin each day in prayer. I do this each day before school, but we will continue this summer. I want to teach my children in the habit of giving each day to God.

Practically:



  • One of the women I consulted, Dina, said she has turned off the TV! (She has 4 young children and is a homeschooling mom). She says that she "is so done with the junk." I applaud her! For my house, TV/video games are now limited to a small amount of time each day.

Instead of having TV time, she is started book time. She has a basket for each child and has filled their basket with books. (Books she bought for .25 from friends.) Yesterday, we went to Barnes and Noble. (My kids had gift cards.) And bought several books to load their baskets. We normally do not frequent B&N, so it was a cool treat yesterday from the heat.



  • TV substitutes - My friend, Michelle, bought the whole Brady Bunch series. Along with The Cosby Show and a few others for her children's television time. (Amazon - her children are 5Th and 8Th grade). Her thoughts are that the Disney and Nickelodeon Shows are continually pushing the envelope. There are too few shows that her kids are allowed to watch.

  • I've planned a trip to the homestead of my Father. It's 2 hours east in the deep, deep, deep, deep country! Today is the anniversary of my Grandmother's home going 10 years ago. My children have an interest in seeing where my Dad grew up and the tombstone of their godly great-grandmother. (We're stopping at Pizza Inn for lunch to break up the monotony of the long trip and to help keep it fun!

  • A trip to the Legislature. As citizens, we can go and watch the proceedings in the gallery above. To make it extra special, Will's Sunday School teacher is the majority leader in the House of Representatives. We see him on TV a LOT! Paul "Skip"Stam is a Godly man who is standing firm against the tide of immorality and depravity in North Carolina. I want to expose him to men in politics who are making such bold stands.

  • To Krispy Kreme for hot doughnuts and to watch them make the doughnuts!

  • Trips to museums -

These are thoughts I've had. We will not do them everyday, but I intend to be intentional about making the most of the time I have with my children throughout the summer.


What are your plans? Will you share them? Even if you are a grandmother - we would love to hear your ideas.


How to comment:


If you are a subscriber - click on the title of the blog post. This takes you to the site and enables you to post a comment. Simply follow the directions. Then log back on later in the day to see the comments.


As iron sharpens iron, let's sharpen each other. Let's share how we can make the most of our time with our children/grandchildren this summer. PLEASE COMMENT!!!! Don't be shy. We'd love to hear your thoughts!