When God is No Where to be Found... A Mother's Day Tribute Part 1

Will and I prior to surgery.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Last year on Mother's Day weekend, my life was set into a whirlwind of sickness, fear and the unknown with one phone call. It was Friday morning prior to Mother's Day and at 10:00am, my phone rang - it was my son, Will, calling from school. He was sick and needed me to pick him up - quick.


Will came home in agonizing pain. He had barely eaten any breakfast, which was unusual, so there wasn't much productivity. After 3 hours of heaving and curled up in writhing pain, I found myself with my face on the floor beside him in my bedroom - begging - BEGGING - God to intervene. Begging God for mercy. Begging God to allow him to get sick so that he could feel better. Begging God for relief.



Three hours turned into 5. Five hours turned into 7 of the same thing - heaving and relentless pain. If you are a mom, there is nothing worse than watching your child in agony. In fact, it was getting worse. What was God's seeming response: silence. Where was God???


After 8 hours, I put Will and a trash can in the car and we went to Urgent Care. On the way, I found myself begging God, yet again, for mercy. Mid-sentence in this silent petitioning, I stopped begging and said,

"Where are You? I'm mad at you and I'm not talking to You anymore. You're not listening anyway. I've been begging for hours and You're no where to be found."

After being told there was nothing they could do for us at Urgent Care - I headed to the ER. My irritation at God kept playing in my mind. I began talking silently to God again,

"But I know You're not ignoring me, God. This is not Your character. You love me and You love my son - even though it doesn't feel like it right now. I will CHOOSE to believe what Your Word says, regardless of how I feel; regardless of how this seems - that you will work this out for good. I personally don't know how You can work for good a child in vomiting and writhing pain for hours on end for good - but I choose to trust You Lord."

There was a peace in my heart to such honesty - the situation had not changed - but choosing to focus on Who I knew God to be - helped in that dark hour.


I began texting my girlfriend, Gay, who's an ER doc to find out if she was working. (Yes, I was texting, praying and driving all at the same time.) I got a message that she was working, but that her ER was super busy. She instructed me to go to an outpatient ER in the town next to mine. (Invisible hand of God.)


Upon arriving - we were seen immediately. (Invisible hand of God). After 2 hours, the vomiting was under control - but not the pain. Eventually, after 2 doses of morphine, the pain was under control. My husband stayed with Will and sent me home. A few hours later they were home. (11:00pm). I chose to sleep in Will's room - I needed a break from the sound of sickness! Will slept with my husband in my spot.

Two hours later - my husband was standing over me - Will was sick again. They were going back to the ER.


At 5:30am, I relieved my husband so that he could go home and sleep. After 6 hours of tests and HEAVY doses of morphine, they sent us by ambulance to UNC hospitals. At this point I couldn't pray. I was in a fog. "Was this really happening, or am I dreaming," I kept asking myself. I had texted friends and had asked them to pray. This explained a supernatural peace and calm that I could not explain...


As we were being checked into UNC ER, I was appalled by all that was around me. The sick, the broken, the bleeding, the profanity... It was a dark place spiritually and I felt very alone and weak spiritually and emotionally.

As our ER nurse walked into our room, I broke into tears. Who was it, but a former babysitter and fellow believer, Michelle! It had been YEARS since I'd seen Michelle. Just the sight of her was God saying, "I'm here sweet girl, I'm here." (It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it!) And what else did God do - but provide a Starbucks right around the corner in the hospital! Oh, did I need it!


Due to the how sick Will was, he was transferred into the O.R. holding area within the hour. The surgeon met us there. He hypothesized that it was 1 of 3 things. It turned out to be none of those things. Little did any of us know how very sick my son was. What started out as a little boy coming home from school with a stomach ache - 30 hours later - this same little boy, was on the verge of death.

Before being rolled into the Operating Room, my husband and I prayed over him. And then at 6:00pm, Saturday night prior to Mother's Day, we tearfully walked away and left him in God's hands...