Pornography - What do we do?

Question #1: 

"What do you when you've caught your husband looking at porn?"

At our May Iron Sharpens Iron luncheon, we invited the ladies who had spoken in previous months to do a Q&A panel discussion.  We entitled it:

Ask the Experts!

Initially, I was nervous about the format.  We had never done this before.  What if there were no questions asked - 40 minutes is a long time!   People have paid money to attend.  At KGM, we are committed to bringing value to your everyday life.

In response to prayer, we had quite the opposite - time ran out!   I'm convinced if we had allotted another hour - no one would have moved.  It was such an insightful meeting! 

The questions were raw...  They were real...  They dealt with issues that many of today's women face.

We've recorded the lunch.  The quality is okay.  This is the part that keeps me from making it available to you.  We desire to do everything with excellence to the best of our ability.  If you are okay with mediocre sound quality - let me know.   If enough of you desire it - we will make it available.  It's the information that's of such great value.

In the meantime, here's a glimpse into our meeting...

Question #1:   How do you respond when you've caught your husband looking at porn?  (The question was asked in the context of 1st time.  Not as an ongoing issue.)

Autumn:   "Stay calm.  If you go off,  it will not help the situation.  This is not about you.  Often women blame themselves.   But you must understand, this is NOT your fault. This is his stuff.   You must realize the enemy has lied, manipulated and tricked him.

He needs accountability to other men.  In other words, he needs to have godly men around him who will hold him accountable.  If he does not have godly friends, PRAY them into his life.  Pray that God will establish these friendships.  In the long run, accountability from another man is better received than from you.

Gwen:  "Confront him lovingly.  Anytime a spouse is looking at another in a lustful way - this is sin. Tell him this is sin.  That this defiles your marriage and your marriage bed.  And that this hurts your marriage.

If he is repentant, place safe guards need to be put in place - a filtered internet.  Yet, filters do not change the heart issue.  Porn is a heart issue.  You must pray for the purity of his heart.


Nancy:  "Forgive him.  If you choose forgiveness, God will go after him.  Then you must start praying for your husband.

A member of our audience added:  (Which I thought was an out of the box point - and a good one at that!)
"NOTHING is an excuse for porn.  It is his choice.  Yet, are we making it easy for our husbands to fall into sin?

• Do we make home a haven?
• Do we keep our children so involved in everything - wild in activity.  Late bed times for the children...  Everyone exhausted
• Always remember when you husband leaves to go to work - the way you look in the morning is the what he will remember all day.  He may be looking at attractive women all day...  What do you look like when he comes home?
• Are we depriving him sexually?

This leaves a man very vulnerable to the culture.  Home is to be a haven.  Don't allow the busyness of the world creep in."

So much more was said - I've merely hit the high points...

Tomorrow: 

Question #2:

"Currently, I'm the spiritual leader of my home - how do I change this?"