Conflict in Marriage

Proverbs 3:34

God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.

We'd all love to think that every day will be sunshine and flowers in our marriages, but realistically, we know there's bound to be conflict. You and your husband are two very different people with unique personalities and opinions. That's not a bad thing. God created us all different because He delights in our differences. Our job is to learn how to approach our differences in a way that promotes unity and love - not division and hurt.

What areas that couples often have disagreements?

Money, children, household duties, social activities, vacations, jobs, food...

What are areas where you and your husband often disagree?

I just recently visited my husband's grandfather. He's 94 years old and lives in an independent living facility. His mind is sharp and he's a spunky as ever! He and his wife were married for over 60 years. We were talking about her on this particular day. With tears in his eyes, he shared that they rarely argued. He said that she "trusted his judgement on the issues where he was stronger," such as finances. She allowed him to do what he deemed best. (There's a lesson in there...)

Let's define conflict: state of open fighting or a state of disagreement and disharmony, a collision, opposition of mutually exclusive impulses, desires or tendencies.

Do you know what's at the center of every conflict?

Self and Selfishness. We'll often blame conflict on circumstances/jobs, children, money, in-laws. But the real problem is OUR will, ego and pride; and our desire to be in control. We want complete freedom to do as we please and our spouse is getting in the way! Pride can so quickly move in and choke out a ministering spirit - making us stubborn and hard-hearted.

Yet, what does Scripture say? "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble." We also learn in Ephesians 4:2, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

So much easier said than done.

The key to being a doer of the Word: Make spending time with God our priority. There are some conflicts that are so big and deep - only HE can give us the power to swallow our pride choosing humility and gentleness...

What does your time with the Lord look like? Is it quick and hurried? Is it rote? Does it exist at all?

Let this be our starting point of getting rid of the selfishness that seeks to divide us. And examine your heart motives if you are in the midst of a conflict.

More on this tomorrow...