Thursday, June 18, 2015

When it’s a Fatherless Father’s Day



This morning was full of excitement as my children and I prepared gifts for Father’s Day. We enjoyed looking through photos from the past year and laughed hysterically as we reminisced over the stories that went along with the candid moments. But, I can remember not too long ago when Father’s Day was a day I dreaded. For some, Father’s Day is a reminder of an empty place in their life. A gaping hole left by death, divorce, deployment…

After my divorce, I was the only mom sitting at the table of men when my son’s preschool had “Donuts with Dad.” I went as far as letting my daughter skip school when they had events that revolved around dads to avoid the inevitable awkwardness and emotional rollercoaster that would ensue. I would fight back tears as I snuggled my children to sleep and struggled to answer their questions about why their dad can’t be there. The emotions are still so fresh and raw, I can barely stand to recall them.

What are we supposed to do with a void that has us questioning our very existence? Such things have caused great people to fall, never to rise again. How do we handle the depth of this sorrow? 

Perhaps you are someone whose earthly father fell short of your expectations; first and foremost, you need to recognize that you are not to blame. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions; however, you are responsible for your response to their actions. Forgiveness is one of the toughest things to tackle, but the most healing for you. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison, hoping the other person will suffer the effects. If your children’s father falls in the same category, this applies as well. One of the greatest gifts you can give to your children is forgiving their father. 

If your children are facing a fatherless Father’s Day, I want to encourage you to not give up! The days are long and hard when you are trying to fill a void you weren’t meant to fill. Reach out to people around you and don’t let pride get in the way of asking for help. I spent years trying to fix everyone else when I finally realized I had to deal with my own issues from divorce before I could help my children. There are so many people out there willing to help, but they just don’t know how. Let them make your family dinner, or take your kids to the park—we were meant to live in community.  

If your family is intact this Father’s Day, I encourage you to look around and find someone in need. Your family can adopt a widow, take her to dinner, or help do chores around the house that are too difficult for her to do on her own. If she has children, she would probably enjoy a distraction from the holiday, so invite them all over, or give them a gift card to the movie theater. Maybe they will find a new tradition through your generosity. I was recently speaking to a widow who has two teenage children and I said, “All you have to do is ask and I will do what I can.” She responded, “I know, but sometimes I don’t want to ask.” She wants nothing more than to have people come alongside her kids and mentor them and be a father figure, but how do you ask for something like that?!

This Father’s Day, we all need to take a moment to look up and remember that we have a perfect, heavenly father who gave his one and only son so we could spend eternity with Him. He is a Father to the fatherless and a defender of widows. No matter where you have been or what you have done, God is reaching out his arms to you and saying, “Come to me my beautiful darling, there is no flaw in you.”


Psalm 68:5
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
    is God in his holy dwelling.

John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Matthew 19:14
14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Matthew 11:28
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Songs of Solomon 4:7
You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
    there is no flaw in you.



I am often accused of not having a filter…I call it being real. I hope that my transparency of life and all of its challenges will help others see that we are not the only ones fighting the fight and we don’t have to do it alone. I am lucky to be married to my best friend and the mother to four rambunctious children. I am trying my hand at being a stay-at-home mom for the first time ever…it is scary, to say the least! I am always up for an adventure and am most comfortable flying by the seat of my pants!

I enjoy empowering women to take a leap of faith…or giving them a little push!
Melissa, Co-creator/ Owner of my life.altered



1 comment:

  1. Oh Melissa,

    You will learn to love being a stay-at-home if you understand the importance the Lord places upon you being there. I can't say it any better than Elizabeth Elliot so I won't even try ~ The routines of housework and of mothering may be seen as a kind of death, and it is appropriate that they should be, for they offer the chance, day after day, to lay down one’s life for others. Then they are no longer routines. By being done with love and offered up to God with praise, they are thereby hallowed as the vessels of the tabernacle were hallowed–not because they were different from other vessels in quality or function, but because they were offered to God. A mother’s part in sustaining the life of her children and making it pleasant and comfortable is no triviality. It calls for self-sacrifice and humility, but it is the route, as was the humiliation of Jesus, to glory.

    ReplyDelete