"Why Can't You be Like Her?"

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"Why Can't You be Like Her?"  Don't miss the pictures below.

Ephesians 6:18

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests."

It was hot.  I was grumpy and  I was hungry...   OK, more like starving and I had a simmering headache that was screaming for food.

My mind was full of all the errands that needed to happen prior to the first day of school last Thursday.  Plus the things that I needed to do with Knowing God Ministries since our luncheons and the ministry year is starting back up.

At the same time, it was just Caroline and I at home.  Will, my 12 year old was at "Heather camp."  (My sister's house in Myrtle Beach.  Caroline had her turn a month ago.)   So, since it was just the two of us,  I was desperately trying to have some quality, bonding time with her.  I wanted to create special memories for just she and I.

Yet I was busy and distracted needed her to bond... on MY terms!   

So, I did what any self respecting mom with much too much on her mind and plate, who's trying to bond with her daughter would do:  I bribed her with a $3 over the top cupcake from her favorite cupcake eatery following lunch at MY favorite spot - Chick-fil-A.

As we approached CFA last Monday, I could see the cars wrapped around building and groaned in frustration at having to wait.  "It was 1:30 - come on already,"  I sighed to myself - when all of a sudden, Caroline cranked up the music - loud!

Immediately, I turned it down and in my not so friendly voice said, "Not now, Caroline."

A few moments later while waiting in the drive thru line...
Caroline:  "Mom, when you and Heather were little, who liked listening to loud music, you or her?"
Me:  "Oh, me definitely."
Caroline: "Well, what happened... cause she's the one who likes listening to loud music now.  They always listen to loud music in THEIR car."
Me:  "Caroline, I have a headache right now,"  trying not to lose my cool.
Caroline:  "Heather still listens to loud music when she has her headaches...  Why can't you?" 
Heather gets migraines - I doubt that, but I didn't say anything.  I didn't want to start bickering with my 10 year old.  So I settled with:

Me:  "Well, we're just not going to right now.  We're going to get our food, get that cupcake you want and run our errands,"  I said getting louder and louder with each word and increasingly frustrated.

Some bonding experience, I thought...   After sitting in a few moments of silence - thinking I had won the music battle, she dropped the bomb...

Caroline:  "Mom, why can't you be like her?  She's so much more fun."

It wasn't said with any disrespect - that made it even worse.  Ouch... her words stung...  Part of me wanted to say, "Well, why don't you just go live with her if life here is so hard."  I suppressed the urge. 

Yet, my heart was hurting.  And that knot that forms in the back of your throat when you're holding back tears was getting bigger with each passing second.  Her words had hurt me deeply...     And this was over LOUD MUSIC?!   

Where did this go wrong?   I had wanted to bond...  But I wanted to do it on my terms and in my time frame.  I needed help, fast.  And it would have to be supernatural.
Instead of lashing out or crying, I took a deep breath and prayed for God fill our car again with joy.  That He would help me to like her.  (Yes, I said it.)   And that He would help HER to like me - non-fun mom and all. 

Miraculously - 20 minutes later when we got to Gigi's - a sweet spirit permeated our fellowship despite "my bonding terms,"  God redeemed the time and allowed us to enjoy each other's company. 

So last night, when she came into the kitchen and announced to Tim and I that she had put make-up on Jake...   I caught myself from scolding her for using Chanel makeup to do it.  ( I only buy Chanel when I have birthday money and I make it last for 2 years...)  Never mind the fact that it's almost gone!  

Instead, I began laughing and praised her for being so creative. 

Jake is normally white. 



I'm trying hard to be "more like her,"   The mom who's not uptight;  whose  a little more fun and yes, can listen to loud music from time to time. 

The Lord later impressed upon my heart that these "these are not the battles in which to engage."   That there will be far more important issues that will require steadfast determination in the months and years to come. 

So in the meantime, I'm just thrilled that the "her" that my daughter wants me to be like, is my sister.  And I KNOW that when "those issues" arrive in HER house, she too will be towing the line with her girls! 

Jake did not enjoy the makeover.  When she tried to wash his face, he was doing his best to hide from her.

Mrs. Fun herself, (my sweet sister) and I at a gas station eating BBQ sandwiches this summer.  We had just come off the beach and were starving.